Process Works and Deleted Chapters: I Can Only Hold On For So Long
by PresumablyAury
Summary: What it says on the tin: This work holds some deleted chapters and other process writing for my story I Can Only Hold On For So Long. TW: Depression, PTSD, Anxiety, Polyamory, Blood, Broken Bones
1. Chapter 8: Isn't it Lovely? 10

If you've stumbled across this and you haven't read the main work, I can't say this will make a lot of sense. I'm using this work as a place to put the original versions of a few chapters I re-wrote and thus deleted, as well as some process work for that story. Nothing has much context and it is in no way supposed to be its own narrative.

That all being said, if you're here from the main story, please enjoy! Thanks for stopping by either way!

Sora has a thing for red-heads, Kairi gets extra pretty, and Riku nearly causes an international incident.

See the end of the chapter for notes.

* * *

Sora neglected to mention that they wouldn't be underwater on their visit to Atlantica.

"What do you mean we're landing on the beach?" Riku asked from the pilot's chair. They were just entering the atmosphere, and Riku had been angling for the water when Sora had corrected him.

"We've gotta go to the castle to meet up with Ariel," the younger boy explained.

Kairi gave Sora a funny look. "I thought you said she was a mermaid?"

"Well…" he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "She was, but now she's a human. Prince Eric and her were in love, so her dad transformed her so they could be together."

"So we don't need the blending in spell, is what you're saying?" Riku clarified.

"Oh," Sora shook his head. "No, we don't. We're good as is."

"I was excited to be a mermaid," Kairi complained. Riku privately agreed with her.

* * *

There weren't many sixteen year-olds that felt comfortable just waltzing through a castle's front gates. The guards seemed utterly flabbergasted at Sora's audacity. He walked right past them, wearing strange clothes, all smiles. When they stopped him, he insisted that he was a friend of the princess and that she would be happy to see him and his friends without prior notice. They were about to throw the three of them out when a blur of red hair and green dress shoved past the guards and grabbed both of Sora's hands.

"Sora! It's so good to see you!" Ariel exclaimed, jumping up and down a few times in excitement. Still holding his hands, she peered around him, asking, "Where are Donald and Goofy? Are these the friends you told me so much about?" She let him go then, stepping to the side to grin at Riku and Kairi, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Sora grinned, chuckling at her enthusiasm. "It's great to see you too, Ariel! This is Riku and Kairi. Donald and Goofy had other stuff to take care of, so they couldn't come with me this time."

"I'm so glad you finally found them!" Ariel enthused, ankle-length skirt spinning around her as she moved to shake their hands. "I'm Ariel. It's nice to finally meet you! Sora's told me so much about you. You're pretty much all he talks about." She turned to smirk at Sora, who made a show of folding his arms and frowning at her.

Smiling fondly, Eric joined the group at a much calmer pace. He rested an arm around Ariel's waist, and she beamed up at him, leaning into his embrace. "This is my husband, Prince Eric," she introduced, "Eric, you remember Sora? These are his friends, Riku and Kairi."

"Of course I remember," he replied, letting go of Ariel to shake Sora's hand. "It's great to see you again, Sora. And a pleasure to meet you too, Riku, Kairi," he added, shaking their hands in turn. Ariel looped her arm through his as soon as he was done.

"Sorry we missed the wedding," Sora offered a little sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"It's all right," Ariel replied breezily. "I'm just glad you stopped by to see us again." It was then that she finally noticed the guards, standing nearby awkwardly. Her bubbly smile morphed into a calm, refined expression as she straightened to her full height. "At ease, gentlemen, these three are my guests. Thank you for your service." The shift in tone was startling as she easily slid from excited teenager to practiced monarch. A blink and she was back to acting eighteen again. "So, what would you three want to do first? Did you come here for any specific reason?"

"We mostly just came to say hi," Sora explained as the guards returned to their posts by the front door.

"Well, you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like," Eric replied. "We're forever grateful for your help dealing with Ursula."

Sora grinned, swiping his finger under his nose. "Don't mention it."

"So she's gone?" Riku asked, carefully keeping his tone neutral. He'd met the sea witch briefly, fought memory and dream versions of her, but he'd never heard the fate of the real thing. Not that he was upset - he'd found her to be more than a little obnoxious.

"Yep! She's gone for good," Ariel said. "Did you know her?"

"Prince Eric stabbed her in the stomach with King Triton's trident!" Sora cut in over-excitedly, talking over the tail end of Ariel's question to save his friend from having to answer. Riku shot him a grateful look while Eric rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Ariel chuckled at him, leaning into his side.

"How sweet!" Kairi chimed, holding her arms behind her back and smiling at the clearly besotted couple. Eric wasn't quite sure what to make of her finding life-saving violence adorable.

They spent the rest of the afternoon touring the kingdom by horse-drawn carriage. Eric insisted on driving, much to Ariel's chagrin. "I broke the front axel last time," she informed Kairi in a whisper. The beach-front town was quaint and homey, though shored up against far more wind, rain and snow then the trio of tropically raised teenagers were used to. Sora and Ariel ran most of the conversation, trading snippets of songs and wedding snafus back and forth with an ease that made Kairi faintly jealous. Several things became immediately obvious, the most important one being that both Ariel and Eric were very aware of the existence of other worlds.

"Where are you going next? Do you have more important Keybearer things to do?" Ariel asked Sora at one point in the conversation.

"We don't have an assignment yet," Sora replied without hesitation, "but yeah, we're going around defending the worlds like Keyblade wielders are supposed to. Riku's a Master now," he bragged, elbowing the older boy.

Riku raised an eyebrow at him, "Sora slept through his exam," he snarked.

"Oh, Sora!" Ariel teased, giggling.

"Congratulations, Riku," Eric added over his shoulder.

"We should celebrate!" Ariel offered, grinning. "Eric's been teaching me a new dance, and I could use an excuse to practice." She leaned over to Sora, adding, "It's a lot harder than I imagined when I had fins."

"Fins were a lot harder than I expected, too."

Ariel laughed. "You know none of us believed you about the water being different, right?"

Sora rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "I couldn't come up with anything better."

Eric cut in, "Do you want to have a gala?" he asked, mostly to Ariel.

"Would that be okay, Riku?" she asked.

Riku looked at Sora and Kairi, one eyebrow raised in a slightly bemused way. He shrugged a shoulder, saying, "It could be fun."

"She's right, we didn't do much other than party hats and cake," Sora added.

"I wasn't even there for that!" Kairi pouted, folding her arms and fake scowling at the boys.

"Then we definitely need to throw you a party," Ariel asserted.

"All right, fine," Riku replied, but he was smiling.

The rest of the carriage ride was spent gushing over plans. It was immediately decided that they would be knighting Riku, since they couldn't exactly list "attaining the Mark of Mastery" as the official reason behind the event.

Dealing with Ariel's heritage had been a challenge for the royal couple - they couldn't straight out say that he'd married a mermaid princess. So they had come up with a fictional country for Ariel to be a part of - the island kingdom of Atlas. Official maps were made with a nonexistent island placed in the exact spot Ariel's actual home was located. She and her father coordinated trade. They prevented curious locals from traveling there by saying the island was closed off to foreigners, so no one would discover the ruse. So far, it had been working all right.

For the party, Sora, Riku and Kairi would be presented as Atlasian nobility with the knighting ceremony itself sealing a military treaty King Triton, Ariel, Eric, and Eric's counsel had been working on anyway.

The next two weeks were going to be a flurry of activity as decorations, music, entertainment, food and clothing all had to be decided on, ordered, and then prepared. None of the three teenagers had anything "proper" to wear, especially not Kairi - a fact that made her press her knees together, anxiously smoothing out her skirt. Eric was also willing to provide etiquette lessons for the three of them, since their world's manners were certain to be different from his own.

However, before getting anything started, the couple insisted on treating their guests to a cozy dinner, warm baths, and a good night's rest.

"What have you been up to, Sora?" Ariel asked as Carlotta laid out the second course of their meal. The remains of a hearty pea soup were carried away and replaced with a Brussels sprouts and kale dish called _Boerenkool_ and some sausage made from Eric's last hunting trip.

Sora glanced at Riku and Kairi, eyes wide, unsure how to answer. Riku simply raised an eyebrow, while Kairi looked as uncomfortable as he was. He rubbed the back of his neck, "Uh… well, you know just… Keyblade stuff," he mumbled, shrugging and giving Ariel and Eric an unconvincing smile.

The prince and princess could practically _hear_ the sigh on Riku's face. Neither were surprised when he clarified.

"We stopped an evil man with oversized ambitions from achieving his goals."

"What was he trying to do?" Eric asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Remake the worlds," Sora said quietly.

"By destroying them first," Kairi added.

"You dealt with him by yourself?" Ariel asked, concerned. They were younger than her, and most of the time she was stressed just dealing with life at court. A man trying to end the worlds sounded much, much worse.

Sora leapt in, "Of course not! All our friends helped - Donald and Goofy and the King, and a bunch of others. We all did it together." Seated in-between his two friends, he was smiling. The looks on Riku and Kairi's faces, however, were telling of just how difficult that task had been.

"I'm glad you're all okay," Eric said sincerely. "Thank you for defending all of us."

"Of course!" Sora replied immediately. Leaping to his feet, he almost toppled over his ornate wood and velvet chair, but caught it just in time. He scampered to Ariel's side, grinning as he pulled out his phone, "Let me show you all the people who helped us!"

The gummi phone threw the prince and princess for a moment, but soon Ariel and Eric were oohing and ahhing over Sora's photographs. He started with introducing their friends, then moved on to other worlds he'd traveled to. He loved sharing stories, and even managed to find a few Riku and Kairi hadn't heard yet. Ariel especially never seemed tired of it, leaning her head near Sora's as the peered at the tiny screen, meal completely forgotten.

Kairi tried not to grind her teeth every time Sora and Ariel would look up and grin at each other, practically nose to nose. Meanwhile, Riku was holding in sighs at some of Sora's more… embellished storytelling. He was mostly truthful, but with a touch of flair for the dramatic. Still, he left out plenty that he knew Riku and Kairi wouldn't want shared, which they both appreciated.

Eventually, conversation drifted on. Sora sat back down for the third course - quail and pears - and by dessert it was almost like it didn't happen.

After the meal, Eric volunteered to show the boys to their rooms. Sora was placed in a suite in Ariel and Eric's wing that would one day belong to their children. For now, it was a cozy guest room for dear friends. And Riku, officially the guest of honor, was given their best guest suite. It was easily double the size of Sora's room, with a grand bed, intricately tiled bathroom, and a sitting room filled with plush chairs and books.

Meanwhile, Ariel guided Kairi to the castle's most luxurious bathroom.

"You can borrow some of my gowns until we get some made for you," the princess was saying, leading Kairi by the arm, "We're pretty similar in size, so it should be fine."

_Too similar_, Kairi thought traitorously. She wished her hair was lighter and longer again. Ariel's brilliant locks had a volume she'd never been able to manage. Even on land they almost seemed to float around her. She felt dim and childish in comparison to the bubbly, beautiful woman beside her. Not to mention distinctly less curvy, though the difference was much greater in her mind than in reality.

The ex-mermaid was still talking. "I've got a purple dress that I think will look beautiful on you. Sora especially should like it." She winked at the younger girl.

Kairi blushed, ducking her head. "What are you talking about?" she mumbled.

Ariel laughed, "Oh c'mon, Kairi - I know how he feels about you. Unless... you don't feel the same way?" she asked slowly, the thought just dawning on her.

"No, I do," Kairi said, still flushed and studying her shoes.

Ariel hummed a few bars to herself contentedly. "I have six older sisters," she said after a moment. "I remember always feeling jealous of them… They always seemed prettier than me, and they could sing better and do more. I hated being the youngest. It felt like they were hardly ever in trouble! Plus, well, boys never paid any attention to me when one of them was around." She peered at Kairi out of the corner of her eyes.

"It's just…" she fumbled with her words, looking down at her hands. "Sora and I haven't really gotten to spend much time together these last few years. I think you probably know him better than I do - at least, how he is now."

Ariel shook her head. "No way! Kairi, Sora and I are good friends, but I wasn't kidding when I said you and Riku are all he talks about. He's missed you more than I think even he lets on."

"He's not really good at hiding things," Kairi admitted with a slight chuckle.

"Exactly!" Ariel said, elbowing her as they approached a huge stone tub filled with steaming hot water and clouds of foamy bubbles. An ornate stone fish fountain burbled against the back wall, and a beautiful wrought iron and stained glass lantern lit the space. Screens shielded a portion of the room and tub from view, and pots of beautiful flowers perfumed the air.

"Here's soap and a towel," Ariel said, pointing to amenities on the edge of the pool. "I'll have Carlotta bring you a night dress and show you your room. You relax and enjoy, all right?"

"Thank you, Ariel," Kairi replied with a smile. The older girl beamed at her.

"I can't wait to get to know you better, Kairi. Get a good night's sleep okay?"

"I will," Kairi replied earnestly. "Good night!"

But when it came time to sleep, Kairi couldn't manage it. She was in the room Ariel originally stayed in when she got legs. The bed was softer than any imagined cloud, with big fluffy pillows and a warm, cozy quilt. The ocean's gentle susurrus wafted through the open windows, doing its best to lull her to rest. She'd blown out all the candles and hugged a pillow in place of her stuffed animals. The long borrowed nightgown tangled in her legs, and the moon cast strange shadows on the walls. The creaking of the castle kept frightening her, making her sit up and clutch her necklace, right palm itching. For a split second, she thought she heard Vanitus's voice, calling to her from the beach.

Her stomach churned as her mind kept bringing up sudden, horrible thoughts. She didn't like not knowing where the boys were, what they were doing. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw pairs of haunting yellow ones burning back at her - Saïx's, Xehanort's, Xemnas's. Her right wrist ached in remembered pain, and she kept rubbing it even though the bruises had faded away weeks ago.

_You're safe, you're safe; they're fine, it's fine. Everything's okay,_ she tried telling herself.

Unhelpfully her train of thought answered back, _But what if it's not? What if something's already gone wrong and you're too late? Something horrible could happen and you wouldn't even know. They wouldn't even tell you._

Kairi curled up tighter around her pillow and pulled out her gummi phone. Maybe pictures or a round of Classic Kingdom games would distract her.

* * *

Riku wasn't sleeping either. Unlike Kairi, he was used to not being able to sleep and had a bit of a routine. His Keyblade was out and he was running drills, passing through forms King Mickey had taught him while they traveled together. The routine, the repetition, the movement itself calmed him.

Well, usually calmed him. Tonight it wasn't working like it normally did. Frustrated, he tried and failed to come up with a good reason why. Maybe he'd gotten too used to having Sora and Kairi next to him, safe and sound. He had made a habit of waking up in the middle of the night and cloaking himself in silence and shadows to make sure they were both still breathing.

Now he didn't know which rooms they were in or how to get to them.

_They're fine,_ he told himself for the millionth time. _You'd know if there was darkness here._

But it didn't help.

So, finally, he sent his Keyblade away and pulled out his phone.

_You awake?_ he texted the two of them.

* * *

Sora hadn't even bothered to try to sleep. He'd only managed to the night before because he could smell them (though if you asked him, he would deny that _that_ was the reason.) Here, he was back to his regular human nose, and while that was mostly a good thing he knew sleep was out of the question. So at the first opportunity he'd scrambled out his window and gone running on the beach.

The sound of the waves and the sand under his shoes felt like home. He sprinted, full out, up and down along the shore until his lungs burned and his eyes watered. As he ran, he noticed a strange blue glow on the horizon. Whatever it was, it was really far away. He decided to ignore it, and then was irritated when he kept noticing it out of the corners of his eyes.

Finally, his aching lungs and shaking limbs forced him to stop. He pulled out his gummi phone so he had something else to think about, since he couldn't keep running.

Riku: _You awake?_

Kairi: _Yeah_

Kairi: _Why?_

Riku: _After yesterday I figured it was worth a shot. Where are you?_

Kairi: _I'm in the tower of the north wing, I think. Carlotta talks really quickly._

Riku: _I'm in the north wing too. Is Sora with you?_

Kairi: _No. He's not with you?_

Riku: _No. Bet you 5000 munny he's asleep_.

Kairi: _I don't think so…_

Kairi: _Fine, I guess you're on! _

Riku: _Deal_

Kairi: _So why are you awake?_

Riku didn't get a chance to answer before Sora's text came through.

Sora: _Im not asleep!_

Kairi: _Yes! Riku you owe me 5000 munny!_

Riku: _Fine, fine. You two should head to my room. _

Sora: _Ok where is it?_

Kairi: _Scroll up a little bit, Sora_

Sora: _I did! The north wing doesnt really tell me much other than what side of the castle its on_

Riku: _It's the room with double doors near the tower._

Kairi: _Oh, you're really close then. _

Riku: _See you soon_

Sora: _Itll take me a minute - Im on the beach_

Kairi: _Why are you on the beach?_

Sora:

He typed one reply, then deleted it. His second attempt was worse. He was at the castle by then anyway, so he pocketed his phone and took a few deep breaths before sprinting back up the building's plaster sides, through his window, and into his room. Still winded from running on the beach, he leaned against his bedroom wall, sliding down it until he was sitting on the floor. It took way longer than he would have liked before he could stand up and go find Riku's room.

Kairi had gotten there a while ago. She was perched on Riku's bed, knees tucked to her chest, billowy white nightgown a tent around her as she leaned back against the headboard. Riku sat on the opposite edge, one foot still on the floor, with his other leg tucked under him. Eric had loaned both boys pairs of black pants and long muslin sleep shirts. They fit Riku ok, but Sora had enough extra fabric in the waistband to tie a knot so they would stay up. It made an odd lump through the nightshirt, but he hadn't noticed.

Riku and Kairi had been talking, but they stopped when Sora entered the room. Thinking fast, Riku chucked a pillow at him.

"Took you long enough."

Sora caught the pillow and whipped it back, harder than Riku had. The older boy caught it one-handed, right in front of his face. Grumbling, Sora crawled onto the bed in-between his two friends and flopped on his back. Kairi watched him, and he looked away when their eyes met.

"Why were you on the beach?" she asked again.

Sora shrugged and gave her a big grin, "Just homesick, I guess."

Riku raised an eyebrow. "You're who wanted to come here."

"I wanted to come too," Kairi threw out, frowning at Riku. They stared each other down for a moment until he looked away.

"We all wanted to come. I didn't mean it like that."

Sora propped himself up on his elbows, looking between his two friends. "Everything okay?"

"Just tired," Kairi supplied. Silence settled over the bed as all three of them refused to look at each other.

Sora finally ventured, "Should we go to sleep then?"

"Here?" Riku asked.

"Why not?" Sora asked, shrugging.

Riku could think of a couple of good reasons. The gummi ship or a vacant lot was one thing… a castle with staff in a place where the length of Kairi's skirt mattered was another. He shot her a look, and she frowned back at him, throwing back the blankets and scrambling under them. Her eyes were set and stubborn and he knew arguing was pointless. Some part of his heart twinged a little, fond of her confidence and still marveling that she was here.

Sora watched Riku, not sure what to make of his and Kairi's silent argument. Catching Sora's eye, Riku sighed and shook his head. "Might as well," he finally said. Sora shuffled backwards until he could slide under the covers too. Riku went around blowing out the last of the candles before he climbed in next to him.

The bed was definitely not made for three people. Kairi shifted to lay on her side, facing away from the boys, and had to carefully negotiate not falling off the edge. Sora kept his arms and feet tucked in close, not wanting to bump into either of them. Next to him Riku did the same, hyper aware of the knife-blade thin space between them. But exhaustion won out over nervous hormones. Sora fell asleep first, body practically yanking his brain under with how much he'd worn himself out. Listening to his steady breathing lulled Riku next, and Kairi wasn't far behind him.

When they were woken in the morning, everything had shifted.

Ariel ended up being the one to wake them up. She'd gone looking for Kairi, carrying the purple dress she'd talked about letting her borrow that day. The other red-head wasn't in her room. It took a lot of asking around before one of the watchmen remembered that he'd seen the young woman go into Riku's room. He was reluctant to admit what he knew, considering the effect it would have on Riku and Kairi's reputations, but he couldn't ignore a direct question from his future queen. He did neglect to mention that Sora had also gone to that room, since he wasn't asked directly about that.

So Ariel wasn't prepared to find the three teenagers sprawled in a single bed. Kairi and Sora had shifted in their sleep, facing one another, with Kairi clutching one of Sora's hands and Sora's feet wrapped around hers. Riku, who had woken up at the sound of the door opening, was propped up on one elbow, tense and ready. But it wasn't hard to gather from where he was that he'd been curled up against Sora's back a minute ago. At least, Ariel noticed, they all appeared to still be wearing clothes.

"Sorry," she whispered, "I brought this for Kairi." She laid the dress over a chair and awkwardly backed out, glancing away from Riku's eerie stare.

In all honesty, he wasn't trying to glare at her; he just had no idea what to say and was barely awake.

The door shutting behind Ariel woke Kairi up. She groaned as she stretched, then blinked her eyes open when she realized how entangled she and Sora were. Face bright pink, she tried to extricate herself and sit up. Somehow, Sora managed to stay asleep, even through Riku's whispered explanation of what woke Kairi up and Kairi's own mumbled apologies as she skittered back to her room with the dress. Someone else came in, leaving clothes for the boys in the sitting room that preceded the bedroom. Riku eventually got Sora awake before disappearing into his bathroom to change and brush his teeth.

Once they were both ready, they meandered their way back to where they ate dinner to find Eric and breakfast waiting for them.

It took Kairi almost forty minutes to get into the damn purple dress. She tried on her own but then Ariel heard her swearing and came to help. Eventually, they had to get Carlotta because some alterations were necessary to help the thing stay up… and to open up the sleeves so Kairi's arms could fit. That was probably the most embarrassing part, even though Ariel insisted that it made sense she would be muscular - she did swing around a huge metal sword a lot of the time. Ariel even wanted to try to lift it to prove her point, but Keyblades being Keyblades it wasn't possible.

"That's so amazing!" the erstwhile mermaid enthused, eyes wide and sparkling as she stared at her empty hand. "What spell do you use for that?"

Kairi suddenly recalled that Ariel fought with magic. "It's part of the Keyblade's magic, not mine. They can only be used by their person."

Ariel smiled and nodded, "That makes sense. Oh! We're gonna miss breakfast - c'mon!" She grabbed Kairi's hand and dashed from the room. The Keyblade wielder couldn't help but laugh as she tore after her.

When they reached the dining room, Ariel stopped them short, turning to smooth out Kairi's hair.

"There. Perfect," she said, grinning at the younger girl. Kairi ducked her head, blushing a little. She was suddenly very nervous about the boys' reactions.

Ariel swept into the room before her, hurrying to her seat so she could watch Sora and Riku's faces. Kairi walked in behind her much more slowly. She was barefoot, but the big bell skirt was long enough no one could see (Ariel's feet were nowhere near the same size, something both she and Kairi had overlooked until the last minute.) The gown was a pale purple color, not far off from the shade of Kairi's eyes. Its swooping neckline dipped just low enough to hint at cleavage, and was covered in floral embroidery dotted with seed pearls. The sleeves were poufs that had extended longer, but instead Carlotta had gently opened the seams so that they trailed like ribbons behind her. They could be sewn back together for Ariel later.

Stunned was a bit of an understatement for the expression on Sora's face. Somewhere in the back of his head his train of thought was making a flatline noise. Kairi caught his eyes and blushed deeper, ducking her head. Then her gaze flicked over to Riku.

Riki's face was neutral, as usual, but the look in his eyes was sharp and focused and _hers_. Something about it made her breath catch and she couldn't hold his gaze without feeling like the dress might burn off of her. That was a thought she couldn't let continue, so she hurried over to her chair and sat down, face burning, gut churning, don'tkeepthinkingthatthought yearning. She tried to eat and couldn't seem to manage - her body apparently wanted something other than food and that was confusing and frightening and amazing but she had no idea what to do with it. So she just smiled and laughed, holding conversations and pushing her food around her plate. Occasionally she'd take another bite in hopes that her stomach would take over and get rid of the rest of the chaos. It did not work.

Why did she have to have this reaction? And to _Riku_ of all people! Not that she wasn't just as thrilled and confused and heart thumping, butterflies-doing-cartwheels-in-her-stomach feeling about the look on Sora's face. Every time he looked at her he blushed, and he'd never been so gentle and polite. She was supposed to feel this way about Sora. _Only_ about Sora. So why was the look in Riku's eyes making it harder and harder to think, to eat? She'd been seated in-between them and it felt like the air to either side was electric, like a tiny thunder spell set in advance.

But she'd picked Sora. She liked Sora. So why couldn't she stop peeking at Riku out of the corners of her eyes?

Breakfast eventually ended and all three teens were swept off to various tasks. Ariel and Carlotta took Kairi for more dress fittings while Eric started teaching the boys some of his kingdom's dances with the help of a few maids.

The boys' manners were - to be polite - lacking. Sora typically made up for it with smiles and apologies and his own special something that put everyone at ease, but today he was just left feet and stepping on toes, continuously putting his foot in his mouth.

Riku, typically more graceful and genteel, was cold and uninterested. His mind seemed a thousand miles away, and a few of the maids were too nervous to even dance with him at all.

Honestly, Eric wasn't exactly surprised, given breakfast. Ariel had been practically triumphant at the chaos her dress choice had caused. She giggled and squeezed his hand, feet stamping quietly under the table. "They're so sweet!" she'd whispered in his ear. He loved her enthusiasm. And he would have loved even an ounce of enthusiasm from the two teens he was trying to teach. But an hour into it and he knew there was no way they were learning anything today. So he invited them to come ride horses with him instead.

* * *

Kairi stood on a raised stand, arms out, as Carlotta pinned along the waist of the skirt she was wearing. They were going through Ariel's closet for dresses she could borrow until new ones could be made for her. Despite the girls' apparent similarities, there were still lots of alterations to be made.

So she was stuck being a statue/pin-cushion for the time being. The stillness made her want to crawl out of her skin, but the other red-headed girl was at least trying to make it bearable, when she wasn't digging through her closet for clothes.

With an excited gasp, Ariel came darting out again, holding a cream and black ensemble with a swooping v-shaped neckline that went even lower than the gown from this morning. At least the lace detailing added a little coverage. "This'll look great on you!" Ariel crowed, grinning.

Kairi flushed scarlet, staring at the thing from the corners of her eyes. It looked heavy, and there was no way she could fight in that skirt. Most of the other clothes she'd had on today were the same, though some had ankle length skirts and no need for petticoats. Still, beggars couldn't be choosers. Plus the lace was cute.

"Thanks, Ariel," she said quietly, still quite red.

Ariel laughed, draping the gown over a chair. "I was just teasing," she said, seeing the embarrassment on Kairi's face.

"I know."

"You don't have to wear that one, if you don't want."

"The skirt looks… heavy," Kairi admitted.

Ariel flopped herself down sideways in a chair opposite Kairi, ignoring the look Carlotta gave her. "Ugh! It is!" she groaned. "Most of these dresses are, but they're pretty too, so it's not so bad. We can get you something simpler though, except for the gala."

Kairi smiled a little, happy for the change of topic. "What will I wear for that?"

Ariel met her eyes, and her smile got bigger. "For that, we'll have a designer come in to make you a custom dress! Eric booked the appointment this morning. So you'll get to pick what you want."

"Really?"

"Of course! The boys will get new clothes too."

"What about you?"

Ariel's grin got wider. "I'm also getting a new dress. So we can weather fittings together."

They chatted about dresses for a while longer, the promise of a beautiful custom gown taking Kairi's mind off the discomfort of the current moment. Eventually, Carlotta finished her pinning and bustled out to go sew, leaving Kairi behind in the purple dress. She sat down next to Ariel, who was combing her fingers through her hair and idly humming to herself.

Ariel glanced over as Kairi sat down. "So, Sora or Riku?" she asked with a smirk.

Kairi blushed again, ducking her head. "For what?" she blurted, though she definitely understood the intent of the question.

"Who are you in love with, silly?"

"Sora," Kairi murmured, head still bowed. Still, it was impossible to miss the smile that spread across her face.

"Riku's pretty handsome, though," Ariel threw out, fluffing her fingers through her hair in an almost disinterested way.

"Aren't you married?" Kairi jabbed back good-naturedly.

"You're the one who was curled up with both of them last night!" Ariel laughed back.

"That's not - That wasn't - You're impossible!"

Ariel spread her hands innocently. "I'm just pointing out what I saw, that's all."

Kairi scowled at her. "I like Sora. Riku's just a friend," she said forcefully.

"So nothing happened between the three of you last night?" Ariel prodded.

"No!" Kairi shrieked, bright red now. "What are you even hinting at? You don't think we - " She dropped the sentence, too embarrassed to continue, as her hands covered her mouth. She shook her head firmly.

Ariel cackled, trying and failing to hold in her laughter. "All right, all right! I believe you! Sorry, sorry!"

"You have to admit, though," the older girl pointed out, once her laughter had subsided, "you three sharing a bed does seem a little… fishy." Her grin widened at her pun.

Kairi sighed, folding her arms. "You're one to talk," she quipped, making Ariel giggle again. "We just… we sleep better when we're all together," she added, looking down again. She wrapped her arms tighter around herself. "These last two years… we've lost each other so many times. We'd just rather know that we're all okay before we go to sleep, and right when we wake up."

The smile had vanished off the mermaid's face. She leaned over, laying a comforting hand on Kairi's arm. "I'm sorry," she said, sincere. "Sora's talked non-stop about trying to find the two of you, but I never really thought about what that meant. If I lost Eric, or my friends, and I couldn't find them for years… I would never want to let them go either."

Kairi gave her an appreciative smile. "Honestly, I'm kind of confused," she admitted quietly. "I really, really like Sora. I think I love him," she added in a whisper. "But this morning… I don't know. I still feel the same way about him!" she said quickly, to clarify. "So why do I still like Riku so much?"

Ariel gave her a small smile. "Love is really confusing, and it can be kind of overwhelming sometimes. But I'm sure you'll figure it out."

"You think?"

"Yeah, I'm sure of it. Just follow your heart, Kairi. It'll tell you everything you need to know."

Kairi chuckled. "That sounds like something Sora would say."

"He is one of my good friends."

"He's everyone's friend."

"Isn't that one of the things you love about him?"

Kairi's smile turned soft and she looked down at her hands, now resting in her lap. "Yeah, it is," she murmured. "He's the kindest person I've ever met. His heart is so warm. There's no heart his smile can't reach." Saying the words she'd written to him long ago made her beam, and she looked up, heart so full of love she could practically carry it in her hands.

Ariel resisted the urge to coo over the look on Kairi's face.

* * *

Horses, it turned out, could be added to the list of things Sora wasn't good with. He was too fast, too loud, too much. They snorted and shied under his hands, and the grooms shooed him away when he tried to help tack up the gelding he was going to be riding.

As a rule, Eric took care of his own steed, but he'd asked the stablehands to help his two guests. Neither boy had seen a horse this close before, and were clueless as to how to prepare one to be ridden. At first, both grooms were friendly and patient. Riku took to it like a fish to water, easily befriending his dapple grey mare and impressing the older gentleman helping him.

Sora was left to lean against a stall, trying to stay out of the way.

Riding was at least a little better, though Eric constantly had to remind him, "Hands down. Quietly, you'll spook him. You don't have to pull that hard, Sora, a little goes a long way."

Even Riku was in on it, "Relax, Sora. Trust your horse."

Eventually, he sort of gave up and bumped along on the poor gelding's back, letting the horse wander where it wanted. At least once they were running, things were a little more instinctive. He knew how to hold on with his legs by then, and it wasn't that hard to move with the same rhythm as the horse. He'd ridden flying carpets and Keyblade swarms, what was so hard about this? They galloped along the beach, splashing in and out of the waves until their mounts were sweating and foam fell from their lips.

They dismounted and walked their horses back to the castle, cooling them down along the way. While they walked, Eric decided to broach a sensitive subject.

"I need to ask you both a favor," he began, once they had lapsed into silence. "Ariel is… seen as sort of... unconventional here. She doesn't have the same boundaries as people in my kingdom and, unfortunately, that means a lot of my court looks down on her."

"What can we do to help?" Sora immediately asked.

Eric gave him a considering look. "We've been working hard to repair her kingdom's reputation, and with this gala you'll be representing her, in a way. I know you three are close, and I don't really care what you do in private, but could you maybe keep to your own rooms once our guests are here? The staff are already starting to talk about what happened last night."

Riku immediately understood and turned faintly red. Sora looked between him and Eric, completely lost.

"Last night?" he asked. "What happened last night?"

"Sora," Riku began, trying to explain around the lump of embarrassment in his throat, "where did we all sleep last night?"

"So? What does that have to do with…" Sora's brain caught up with his mouth and he turned bright red. "Oh… we weren't - we didn't - it wasn't like that!" he sputtered.

Eric laughed. "I don't care if it was. Wouldn't be the strangest arrangement I'd heard of. Nobles can get very… creative," he added by way of explanation, running a hand through his hair. "I just don't need anything to make Ariel's reputation worse. So would you both… you know… stick to your own rooms once it's time for the gala?"

"Of course," Riku said immediately, face still faintly flushed, though he did manage to meet Eric's eyes. "It really isn't anything like that."

Eric shrugged. "Like I said, I don't care if it is or it isn't. That's your business."

Sora was too busy reeling to say anything at all.

* * *

They made it back to the castle and Sora immediately vanished, mumbling an excuse neither Eric nor Riku quite caught. A groom took care of his horse, while Eric and Riku tended to their own. Eric finished first, and wandered around to see Riku carefully currying sweat and salt out of the mare's coat.

"You know, if I could, I'd let you take her," he said, leaning against the open stall door frame.

"Don't really have anywhere to keep a horse," Riku replied, not looking up.

"I thought as much. Still, she really likes you. You're a natural."

Riku glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. The prince seemed sincere. "Thanks," Riku replied.

"I'm sorry for embarrassing you earlier," Eric went on.

"It's not a big deal."

"Still, I appreciate your understanding."

"If there's something you came to talk to me about, you might as well get it out now," Riku replied, somewhat impatiently.

Eric sighed and walked into the stall, stopping to stand by Riku and stroke the mare's nose. "You know, I wouldn't judge the three of you if that is what happened last night," he offered.

"Doesn't matter - it isn't," Riku replied flatly.

"I had an uncle who got up to a lot stranger things than that. Then there's all the rumors about the Countess of the Eastern Isle. I spent way too much time listening to maids gossip as a kid," he laughed. "So long as you three are happy, there's nothing wrong with it."

It took a moment for what he was saying to sink in, and when it did, it was like a hatch at the bottom of Riku's skull opened up and all rational thought fell out through it. His whole world tilted on its axis, going sideways and upside-down like a room in Wonderland. The three of them? That was actually possible? He didn't have to content himself to the sidelines, supportive and alone? The thought was so tantalizing and impossible that he couldn't really wrap his mind around it. He looked at Eric, eyebrows furrowed.

Eric held up his hands, misreading the expression. "If that's really not what's happening, that's all right too! I just didn't want you to think Ariel or I thought less of the three of you."

"Oh…" Riku replied, staring back down at his hands. He started to brush the horse again, curry moving in sweeping circles over her short coat. "Do you know anyone else like us?" he heard himself asking. It felt like he was far away, hearing his own voice at a distance.

"Not for sure," Eric admitted, "but there are a lot of rumors about that Countess, Lady Sarahfina, her husband and one of their heads of staff. I take it this isn't common on your world either, is it?"

Riku shook his head. "No. I've never even heard of it before."

"Well," Eric rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "you're lucky to have found the two of them. Love's hard enough to find one time, let alone twice."

"I - I don't know if it's like that for the two of them," Riku admitted quietly.

"Oh, sorry. I really need to stop assuming things."

"It's all right. Just, let me talk to Kairi about it, okay?"

"Of course. I'll leave you to it." With an awkward nod, Eric scuttled out of the stall, clearly embarrassed about the whole conversation. Riku stayed there a long time, brushing and petting the mare while she shuffled around. Eventually, though, he had to go back for dinner.

* * *

Notes:

Most of the original A/N wasn't really relevant anymore, but I did want to include two parts, so they're pasted below.

Our lovely chapter title does not, actually, come from the Billie Eilish song by the same name (even though she is amazing). It's actually the name for the KH2 Atlantica world music. For those of you that aren't insane enough to own some of the soundtracks AND memorize song names, the first chapter is also a song from Atlantica, specifically the song Sora, Donald, and Goofy sing to tell Ariel good-bye, which Sora repeats in the chapter. (They made up their own song, ok! That's like cute x10000. They would have had to make it and then rehearse it together so that they could surprise Ariel with it when the time came, which means Sora definitely just sings it at random when it gets stuck in his head.)

Finally, finally shout-outs and big hearty thank yous to Itsybitsyshipper, IanAlphaAxel, pcdevil2014, CeleneTheAngel, Deo Cairde, DarkMythos, MysteryGirl7Freak, and Myth. for favorites/follows. You guys are seriously the best and I really appreciate knowing you like my story enough to do that!


	2. Chapter 9: Stars 10

The original version of Chapter 9 - Stars. I didn't save the original A/N so that's not included this time, sorry!

Atlantica part 2

_You're a sky full of stars/_

_When I look at the stars/ I feel like myself_

See the end of the chapter for notes.

* * *

Sora took off as soon as the groom took his horse from him. His chest felt tight, like something was squeezing it and he couldn't keep still. He knew he couldn't keep up a smile, so he went looking for somewhere without people and found himself back on the shoreline.

Prince Eric thought they were -

He couldn't even really finish the thought. Thought they were what exactly? All three of them? How did that even work? He didn't want to know.

Okay, actually, he really really did want to know and how badly he wanted to know scared him so much he couldn't even think about it at all.

So Sora went running.

He ran up and down along the shore at a full on sprint, chasing the sound of the waves. The pace forced him to keep breathing, which suddenly was harder than it should have been. He stared out at the water and tried to pretend he was home with Riku and Kairi and that everything was back to normal and that he didn't have these stupid questions rattling around his skull.

Home, it turned out, wasn't a safe thing to think about either. Thoughts of school and the look on his mother's face as she begged him not to go tumbled through his mind. Sora ran harder, pushing himself until his lungs burned and his eye watered. Even then he didn't stop; it wasn't enough. If he just kept moving maybe all the thoughts would fall right out of the back of his head and he could be himself again. Maybe he could stop thinking about kissing Riku the way he'd been thinking about kissing Kairi.

God, Kairi - what would she even think about this? About the three of them? Wouldn't she just feel betrayed if she knew how he felt about Riku? It was cheating, wasn't it? They weren't officially anything but…

He remembered Riku, standing bravely in the realm of darkness, saying "Take care of her." Then, it had been a promise and an apology and an acquiescence. Now it felt more like an admonishment.

"Take care of her." Riku hadn't been giving Kairi to him, not exactly. It was still her choice to make. But he had been giving up trying to win her heart.

It wasn't hard to picture the disgusted look Riku would give him if he voiced this weird desire now.

Sora's mind drifted back over their drawings in the cave and sharing a paopu with Kairi. Bittersweet, like the fruit itself, juice dripping down their chins. He would do anything in the worlds for her. He had done something quite outside the worlds to bring her back. And now he was going to throw it all away for some stupid whim like some horny teenage idiot? Forget that.

Though, now that he was thinking about it, this did make a few things make more sense. A couple of dreams, for one thing and why in the last world he'd felt like his brain was going to explode every time he saw Riku shirtless. The smell thing, too. Riku and Kairi had both smelled so good… but thinking about that too hard made him loop back around to what a faithless, greedy moron he was. Why couldn't he just be happy with what he had?

So Sora ran until he threw up.

It surprised him, forcing him to skid to a stop as he doubled over. He vomited out all of the food he'd eaten that day and then some, dry heaving until he wanted to scream with how raw his throat was. Finally, he managed to get enough air to stop. He rinsed his mouth out with salt water - careful not to swallow - and slowly rose to his feet. At least the waves would wash the mess away before someone found it.

The sun was low, dying everything red and orange and oh crap he probably missed dinner. He dug through his pockets for an elixir, then remembered that these weren't his pants and he didn't have anything in their insignificant pockets. Taking a few steadying breaths, he started jogging back to the castle, gait shambly and hitched with exhaustion.

* * *

Miraculously, they were just sitting down to eat when Sora stumbled in, shirt changed and the fringes of his hair still a little damp from hastily washing his face. (Carlotta insisted.) He slipped into the chair on Kairi's right and tried not to look too suspicious even as his fingers drummed on the handles of his silverware and he itched his ankle with his other foot.

Kairi took in the ashy tone on his face and the furrow between his eyes and they way he wouldn't quite look at them and immediately turned to Riku to see if he knew what was going on. Riku wouldn't meet her eyes either, and he wore an expression she hadn't seen since he'd been trapped in a body that wasn't his - like he'd just as easily not exist if he could figure out how to manage it. She reached under the table and caught both of their hands, squeezing tight until they looked at her. She gave them each a reassuring smile, squeezing again and refusing to let go. Sora's palm was clammy, and Riku held very, very still as if he was afraid to touch her.

Ariel, feeling the awkwardness in the room like a physical presence, tried to break the silence. "So, Eric and I were thinking it'd be a good idea to talk about what you wanted for the gala. We'll have to choose what we're serving for food and how things will be decorated, what music you want and what activities will be available."

"Activities?" Sora managed, tilting his head. Kairi squeezed his hand again.

Eric opened his mouth, but Ariel beat him to it, excited now. "There will be dancing, obviously, but there's so many other things we can do! Games and fencing and performers and lots of other stuff."

"Sounds like a lot to arrange," Riku replied.

Ariel nodded. "So we should get started right away. It's your night, Riku. How would you like to celebrate?"

For some reason, Riku was reminded of his parents. Every birthday, every major life event had been marked with a party so stiff and formal - meant to impress other adults rather than entertain children. He'd hated it. He'd wanted nothing more than the simple things Sora's mother threw him - handmade games and lopsided cake decorated in a shaky hand, a yard full of kids running and yelling at the tops of their lungs. Or Kairi's neat little affairs, with face-paint and games designed to teach Island history or mythology without the children noticing. Now, they were back to stuffy and formal, but he had a choice in what went on. It was a new concept, and the foreignness of it struck him silent.

"I like the sound of fencing," he finally said, and Sora grinned at him and suddenly planning a gala felt like the easiest thing in the world.

They spent the rest of the dinner hashing out details, going back and forth about food and games. Often, Riku deferred to Eric and Ariel's knowledge of their world and their guests, but he still made the bulk of the decisions. By the end of the meal, they had a rather serviceable framework for what needed to be done in the next seven days.

Exhausted, but for different reasons, the three teens decided to get their things from the gummi ship and get ready for bed.

By mutual agreement, they all met back up at Riku's rooms. No one was quite brave enough to walk towards the bedroom, so they ended up in his sitting room. Kairi tucked herself in a chair while Riku stood against a wall and Sora perched on the edge of the thick wooden desk.

"What happened while you were with Eric?" Kairi asked straight away. At that question, neither boy was willing to look at her, faces as good as confirming that something was up. But Kairi was patient, and she knew her best friends.

Finally, Riku spoke, "He asked that we not spend time in each other's rooms while the guests are here. He doesn't want people getting the wrong idea, for Ariel's sake." He was impressed that he kept his voice level, since he would have rather pulled out his own teeth than admitted what the prince had talked to them about that day. At least Sora hadn't been around for the worst of it.

Kairi took a second to process exactly what he had just said, then her face flushed. "Oh… Ariel teased me about that too, but she didn't say anything about us not… about it not happening again."

"From what he told me, it's not exactly unheard of on this world," Riku supplied, blank expression fraying at the corners of his eyes and the tension in his jaw.

"He talked to you about it again?" Sora asked, tone dull enough to make both Kairi and Riku shoot him a worried look.

"A little," Riku supplied.

Kairi tried to salvage the conversation, "Well, I mean, at least that's something we can do. It shouldn't be that hard." She was lying, and not even lying well, but no one called her out on it.

Riku decided to test the waters, "They didn't seem to think it was a bad thing, on its own."

"But we can't make Ariel look bad," Sora insisted, loyalty flaring, hands tightening on the edge of the desk.

"Of course not," Riku replied immediately, "I just thought it was strange."

Kairi forced a giggle, covering her mouth, "It is a little bit funny, that they thought we'd be…" She trailed off meaningfully, gesturing vaguely in front of herself.

Sora shrugged, feigning nonchalance by lacing his fingers behind his head. "I think I liked Atlantica better..." He muttered, staring at the ceiling.

"We're not even that old!" Kairi pointed out, ignoring Sora's comment by virtue of not really being able to hear it.

"Ariel's only a year older than Riku, and she's been married for awhile now," Sora replied.

"Less than a year," RIku interjected.

"Does that matter?" Sora fired back, dropping his hands and leaning forward. "She's still... They've still… whatever. Let's talk about something else," he added hastily.

That was preferable for Kairi and Riku too, but suddenly there didn't seem to be anything else to talk about. Silence thickened between the three of them as Sora drummed the desk and Kairi bit her lip and Riku leaned against a wall, staring at the ceiling.

"We're idiots," he said finally.

"Hey! Speak for yourself," Sora demanded. He sounded like he was defending himself, but he'd actually been thinking about Kairi.

Riku shoved off the wall with one shoulder. "I mean, we should have realized that people would talk. It's not like this castle's empty. I should have thought about what it would look like."

"You couldn't have known," Kairi said right away, soothing.

"This isn't Zootopia, or home, where people are just used to us."

His tone made Sora flinch. "Riku…"

"What?" Riku snapped, harsher then he meant to. He seemed to know it too, eyes widening in surprise. Exhaling, he ran a hand through his hair and looked down. "Sorry."

"We're all… embarrassed," Sora offered, "but it's not your fault."

"It was my idea."

"We all agreed to it," Kairi argued.

"Yeah," Sora nodded. "So we'll take the blame together."

Riku glanced between the two of them, then cracked a small smirk. "You two'll be sneaking off on your own soon."

"What?!" Sora yelped, jerking backwards in embarrassment and unbalancing himself to the point where he nearly fell of the desk.

Kairi laughed, but she was blushing.

Laughing, Riku shook his head. "C'mon, we should get some sleep." He turned and headed towards his bedroom, but then stopped, and glanced over his shoulder at the two of them. Kairi was fiddling with her necklace again, eyebrows furrowed. Sora was staring at the floor, knuckles white against the desk.

Kairi looked up and caught Riku's eyes. "What do you think we should do, Riku?"

"We need sleep," he pointed out.

"But…" Sora interjected, unable to finish the sentence.

"The guests aren't here yet," Riku replied, a knife blade edge hidden under the ice calm of his voice.

"Shouldn't we try to learn to sleep by ourselves then, before they get here?" Kairi asked. Riku merely shrugged. Sora looked between the two of them, but didn't know what to say.

"Tomorrow," Riku finally uttered, tone soft. There was no knife edge here, just the faintest hint of pleading, but it tugged something in his friends' hearts just the same.

"Okay," Sora replied, getting up. Kairi followed suit. When she reached each boy, she took their hands and held on tight.

* * *

That night, they drew the heavy canopy around the bed and tied it closed. The darkness settled around them, total and oddly frightening, despite the lack of any real threat.

"Here," Kairi murmured, whisper quiet, and a tiny pearl of light bloomed in her cupped hands. She reached up, sticking it to the top of the canopy. She had to focus a bit to make it stick.

Sora, grinning, cupped his hands together and tried to do the same. It took ages - Kairi made nine more little orbs in the same span of time - but finally a ball of light appeared once he whispered, "Pearl," thinking of Queen Minnie's magic. Kairi had to teach him how to stick it on, and Sora had to use a spoken word to do it right, but it stayed up too.

They started coating the whole perimeter with lights, changing their size and position until they swooped and swirled like strings of beads spaced apart on a necklace.

"Like Christmas lights!" Sora enthused, smiling so his teeth flashed in the glow. "Come on, Riku! Make some with us!"

Riku shook his head, "Nah, I'm fine."

"Why not?" Sora asked, frowning.

"I don't think I can," Riku replied, seemingly unbothered.

Kairi frowned, murmuring, "No, I think you can. She turned to face him, moving forward on her knees, and took both of his hands in hers. "You can do it - just focus," she insisted, smiling gently at him.

Riku's heart had just enough time to falter at the look in her eyes before Sora elbowed him in the gut.

"Yeah c'mon, Riku!"

So with a long-suffering sigh, he tried. It didn't take long before a sphere of light appeared in his palms. He was so surprised, it snuffed itself out right away and it took three whole tries to get it back. But once he did, it was easy and soon he was making dimmer stars and sticking them to the canopy ceiling in the shapes of constellations from home. Kairi decided she liked that better and started dimming hers and adding them up there with Riku's. Sora couldn't manage it, but he gathered all of his up into one bigger ball (no more than the size of his fist) and plopped it in the center.

"I made the moon," he explained, grinning. It was a little too bright still, so Riku made scudding little clouds of darkness that passed over its surface.

"It's perfect," Kairi whispered, face aglow. The boys had to agree. They curled up, still carefully not touching, with Riku in the middle.

"Good night," Kairi murmured, and the boys echoed it back to her. They fell asleep dreaming of home.


	3. Hiatus Blurb: No More Kissing Sora Scene

A little present I left for people when I went on hiatus. A scene that was in my head that I knew wouldn't make it into the final version of the story.

* * *

Sora pulled back to catch his breath, leaning his forehead against Kairi's to slow her down. Her hands were tangled in his shirt and his hair. Her breath wreathed around his face. She kissed along his jaw and he tipped his chin up reflexively, giving her more room. She made a soft, hungry sound as she sucked in breaths around her eager kisses. Sora echoed it, panting, as he ran a hand up and down her side, stopping just short of her ribs and hips.

A noise he didn't immediately recognize made Sora open his eyes. There in the doorway of the gummiship stood Riku, holding a bag of food. He didn't look surprised. In fact, Sora wasn't sure what to make of his expression. They locked eyes and Sora swallowed. Kairi was still kissing his neck, just shy of crawling in his lap. She sucked on the sensitive skin and his breath hissed through his teeth, eyes fluttering shut again. Still, he gently took her by the shoulders and pushed her back, murmuring, "Riku's home."

Kairi shot up, face beat red as she whipped her head around. Riku still stood in the doorway, but he looked away once their eyes met.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said, not sounding sorry at all, as he walked towards the refrigerated cabinet. Sora got up, walking towards him without really knowing what he was going to do. They reached each other in front of the back wall.

Sora put a hand on his arm. "Riku…"

Riku half-turned, looking at him more from the corners of his eyes than straight on. He didn't speak, but his expression said plenty as he took in the hickeys blooming on Sora's neck, the redness of his cheeks and lips and the look in his eyes. Both their heart rates kicked up.

Sora tightened his grip on Riku's arm, not really conscious of it. He leaned forward, lips parting. Riku sucked in a quiet breath. Before Sora even knew what he was doing, he was kissing him. Riku's eyes closed as Sora's lips met his and for a second he let it happen.

Then he remembered where the hell he was.

Riku jerked his head back, pulling his arm out of Sora's grip. Sora opened his eyes, the weight of what he just did written all over his face. Riku's shocked expression felt like a death sentence.

Behind them the door slammed open as Kairi ran out of the ship.

Both of them turned just in time to see her yank it shut behind herself. Sora's shoulders sagged as he looked at the floor. Riku glanced at him, then he followed Kairi outside. She hadn't gone far, stopping a few feet away from the ship. Her back was to him, arms wrapped around herself, but she turned when she heard the door open.

"Go away, Riku," she called, voice rough. He could see the shine of tears on her cheek. He ignored this, walking to stand next to her.

He did his best to keep his voice level and quiet, "Are you ok?"

"Of course not," she snapped, turning her head away. Her arms tightened around her.

Riku glanced back at the door. Sora didn't appear. "He's an idiot," he muttered. When Kairi didn't respond, he added, "You know he didn't mean anything by it."

She whirled, fists and voice rising, "Didn't mean anything by it? Are you kidding me?" She got up in his face but he refused to flinch back.

"Kairi, he loves you. You know that. I don't know what that was, but it wasn't -" he stopped short of the phrase "a big deal", because it was, in fact, a very big deal. He could still faintly feel the sensation of Sora's lips on his.

She huffed at him, turning away and folding her arms back over herself. "Actually, I don't know that. Haven't you noticed how he looks at you?" She glanced at him and took in the look of utter bafflement on his face. Scoffing and shaking her head, she spat, "You're both stupid."

"Kairi, he died for you," Riku explained, dragging the sentence out to try to make it sink in. "He brought you back from the dead!"

"It's Sora!" she shot back, throwing her arms wide. "He would do that for anyone! He nearly fell to the darkness for people he didn't even know!"

That shut Riku up. She had a goddamn point. He looked away, and she fell back into herself. "I just want to feel like he wants me. _Just_ me."

It took Riku a minute to think of anything to say. He watched her study the grass. "Have you seen the way he looks at you?" he asked quietly.

Kairi glanced up at him, not moving. "He kissed you, Riku. That means something."

"You really think he put that much thought into it? It's Sora."

She shook her head. "No… I'm sure he didn't think about it, and that's the problem." She sighed, curling her arms around herself again. After a moment, she glanced back up at him. "Are _you_ ok?"

Riku looked away. "Of course not," he murmured, echoing her words earlier.

"Riku…" Kairi put a hand on his arm, and he met her eyes again. "What do you want?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, puzzled, but he didn't pull away.

"I know how you feel about him," Kairi elaborated. She watched his expression harden, closing off. Her jaw tightened again. "Stop that," she barked, hitting his shoulder without any force.

"I didn't do anything," Riku protested.

"You always do that," she countered. "You act like just because you made one stupid mistake you're broken. Sora cares about you - I care about you. You've saved us both more times than I can count."

"Not when it really mattered," he muttered.

Kairi hit him again, harder. "Bullshit. Sora could never have brought me back if it weren't for you. And you saved him from Xehanort during your exam, remember?"

"You don't know half the things I've done," Riku countered, irritated now.

"But I know who you did them for!" Kairi shouted, shoving her face at his again. His scowl faltered, flickering, and she backed off a little. "I know you love him."

His expression softened. "You do too."

Kairi settled back onto her heels, one arm holding the other. "So, what do you want to do?"

He watched her, trying to come up with a good answer. "What do you want?"

"What do you want?" she asked, scowling again. "Stop turning the question around!"

Riku laughed one low chuckle. "He never notices when I do that."

Kairi was less amused. "Well I do. Answer the question. What. Do. You. Want?"

"What I want isn't possible, so it doesn't matter."

"It matters to me!" She said, hands on hips.

Something about it made him smile. "I want both of you," he said, meeting her eyes, "but that isn't going to happen."

Kairi blinked, blushing at the thought. Her eyes darted back and forth as she tried to think of a response. "Well… then I guess it's up to Sora."

"To pick one of us?" Riku asked, smile fading.

"Or both of us," Kairi countered, lifting her chin. A small, soft smile spread across Riku's face and she decided she needed to make him do that more often. He needed to smile more in general.

Riku tilted his head slightly. "You know, you've got an advantage right now."

She weighed his expression. "I mean, I guess." She shifted her weight, looking past him without really taking anything in. "We could make a pact," she threw out, meeting his eyes again. "No more kissing Sora until he's made up his mind."

He weighed that thought. "Are we telling him about it?"

"Nope!" She smirked.

Riku shook his head at her. "You're going to drive him crazy," he said, chuckling. Kairi held up her right hand, pinkie extended.

"Then he'll make up his mind faster. So, no more kissing Sora?"

"No more kissing Sora," he agreed, crossing his pinkie with hers. "It's a promise."


	4. Childhood Memories

A little edit of a few different things I scribbled down while trying to understand Kairi better. We know from context a little of what their life was like on the Islands before, but I wanted to get inside her head and see how she felt about the whole thing. How did we get to "Let's take the raft and go! Just the two of us!"?

* * *

When they were kids, it was always supposed to be Riku Kairi ended up with. When they played, Kairi was the princess, Sora the (sometimes) unwilling villain, and Riku was the hero that saved her. The other kids would occasionally fill in the villain role. Selphie made the best evil mastermind, with Wakka and Tidus as her henchmen. She'd clutch Kairi close and swear to protect her from stupid boys. But then Sora (now as Riku's faithful sidekick) would win Tidus and Wakka to their side, and the four of them would easily overpower Selphie and tie her up with her jump rope.

There was no question who played the dad and who played the son when Kairi wore them down into playing house. Riku was unequivocally the person for that role. Occasionally, Sora would swap out being the son for being the family dog or cat, but that rarely lasted long before they were all dogs or cats or some other animal on a big adventure together.

Playing lead quite easily into imagining - if you had asked Kairi at eight or ten or even twelve what she imagined life would be like when she was grown up, being married to Riku was always a part of the fantasy, no matter what else she imagined around it. Sora was there too, of course, sometimes paired off and sometimes not.

Things got strange once she turned thirteen.

Already mostly done with the big changes of puberty, she began to pay better attention to the boys (and there were a LOT of cute boys on her islands.) She took to disappearing with Selphie to giggle and fawn over them in secret, knowing that neither Sora nor Riku would understand. Especially since at least one of the was always a feature of the discussion.

It was a foregone conclusion that she and Riku would end up together, eventually.

Foregone to everyone except for Sora. At thirteen he became absolutely determined to beat his best friend and prove, once and for all, that he was more than just a sidekick or a lame extra in their life. He was going to be the hero.

It was this rivalry that actually made Kairi step back and check the status-quo. Riku had never seemed mean before, but he could get down-right nasty when he tried to put Sora in his place. Their constant fighting started revealing something dark in her erstwhile knight in shining armor. And yet, Sora never stooped to Riku's level. He never used the secrets all three of them knew, never assumed that Kairi would just go along with their plans and games. She was her own autonomous being to him, not some prize eventually guaranteed.

Selphie thought she was crazy when she first admitted she liked him.

"Sora?!" she she'd shrieked in disbelief, "but he's not even cute!"

"He is too!" Kairi had retorted, hands on her hips. "He's cute and nice and funny and a thousand times better than Riku or even Wakka!"

"Pshhh, please," Selphie waved a hand at her, "that little boy could never come close to Riku and Wakka's manliness. You're crazy."

"No, you're crazy. We're all still kids! 'Manliness'…" Kairi rolled her eyes, leaving the sentence to finish itself.

And then they'd decided to build the raft, and Riku had gotten stranger and stranger. She'd been so sure she loved him, once upon a time. Even when that was shaken, she'd still counted on him to keep secrets and come up with games, to be her best friend and strongest defender.

"Sora, let's take the raft and go! Just the two of us!" she'd been the most surprised of all, when she'd blurted those words. But she'd meant them.

She made her choice. If she had to pick, she picked Sora. And she would keep picking him. After all, that's what love was, right?


End file.
